Living With Our Limitations
Living With Our Limitations
Romans 8:26; "In certain ways we are weak, but the Spirit is here to help us." (CEV)
No matter what period of life we are in, there are many things in which we are limited:
our goals, our dreams, our relationships…
Our life is filled with limitations.
No matter how many academic degrees we may have, our knowledge is limited.
A small boy went to a rabbi and said, " Do you know about God?"
The rabbi stammered and said, " I know a little."
The boy said, " Well, I want to speak to the other rabbi.
Maybe, he knows all about God."
That is about as much as we can say about anything.
We know a little.
Our knowledge is so limited.
Let us look at some ways that we can deal with our limitations.
We can exploit our limitations.
We can focus so strongly on someone else's weakness that we see nothing else.
That becomes our central interest, and we become oblivious to everything else in their life.
We see exploitation often in our everyday life.
In an athletic contest one team tries to uncover the weakness of the other team.
They do this in order to exploit it, and have the advantage.
In the business world, exploitation and ruthless competition are constant companions.
We also see exploitation in personal relationships when one exploits another's weakness
to appear stronger.
This is insidious!
Sometimes people are unaware of doing this, but it happens all around us every day.
We all need our critics in this world, but if we go through life simply exploiting weaknesses
in others, we become a disruptive force.
We can have our critical faculties sharpen, and our sense of appreciation dulled very easily.
We can focus on anyone's inadequacies until that's all we see.
When was the last time that you said to someone close to you: "I appreciate you…
That quality in you. It is a very fine quality and I want you to know that I am thankful
for it in your life."
Many are like like the little boy who went to the birthday party, and when he came home,
his mother asked, " Did you thank Mrs. Johnson for inviting you to the party."
He answered, " I was standing in line when the little boy in front of me thanked her,
and she said, Don't mention it.
So, I didn't mention it."
There are times we don't mention the things that come to our minds, and one of the regrets
of my life is that I have been in touch with so many wonderful people, and I didn't mention
my appreciation to them.
They lived and died, and I never told them how much I appreciated them.
So, we must reach the place where we can understand that most people live about the best
they can under their own personal circumstances.
Carl Faber, a psychologist from the University of California at Los Angeles, once said
he had come to one conclusion in dealing with people: " No matter how disoriented
they may become, they are doing the best they can under the total circumstances
of their lives at that time.
Thus, every person is to be treated respectfully in that light."
We are tempted to judge people too quickly.
People who judge quickly, and who readily assume the worst of others, do a disservice
to themselves as well as to others.
Limited understanding between people usually brings about limited communication.
Some years ago I read an amusing story of a man who called long distance to reserve
a motel room.
The motel manager said, " Do you want a tub or a shower?"
The man asked, " What's the difference?"
The manager patiently replied, " In a tub you sit down."
Well, they were talking about two different things, but in our relationships there is
always ambiguity; distance and closeness; affirmation and doubt.
How do we deal with these?
How would you like to be dealt with?
How about the Golden Rule -- I could live with that!
Should we say, " Leave all your faults at the front door when you come in?"
Or do we assimilate in the total relationship the faults and the weaknesses of the other person?
It is painful to live with someone when the pain comes from the fact that you assimilate
some of that person's inadequacies, and that other person assimilates some of yours.
It can also be painful to live by yourself when you live with your imperfections.
A preacher once asked, " Does anyone here claim to be perfect?"
When there was no response, he said, " Well, has anyone ever known someone
who was perfect?"
A little man stood up and said, " I didn't know him, but I have heard of him."
The preacher asked who it was, and the man replied, " My wife's first husband."
The real quality of love and its meaning come not when everything is complete
or when everything is perfect, but when you can love that which is unlovable
and accept that which is unacceptable.
That is what the Scripture says, " Love bears all things."
Love never exploits the weaknesses or the limitations of others.
The way to deal with people's limitations and weaknesses is not to exploit them.
We deal with our limitations by exposing them.
That is accepting the pain of being known.
We don't like people to know how much we lack at times.
We open ourselves up and risk rejection knowing we don't want to be rejected.
Exposure for exposure's sake alone is not enough.
Someone wrote:
" To the counselors lair
Went a man in despair.
With his psyche laid bare,
And he perished from over-exposure."
We can also perish from over-exposure.
When the psyche is laid open, wounded and bleeding with no tender hands to reach in
and touch it, no warmth of feeling, then we can perish.
When we expose our lives, it's not in an effort to throw our garbage at somebody,
it's a signal that we need somebody to look into us -- to look through us.
We used to use this phrase in derision, " I can see right through you."
But we need to be transparent.
So for us to know ourselves, we must have those moments of exposure;
otherwise we go into hiding or become defensive.
If I don't expose my deception, how will I hunger for honesty?
If I don't expose my arrogance, I will never pray for humility.
If I do not expose the resentment and the hate that are rankling my soul and draining my energy,
I will never be able to pray for love to destroy the emotion that is destroying me.
It is in exposure that we meet our needs.
Yet, most of us are afraid of this kind of exposure because we're afraid that it will evoke
a negative response, and we would rather have a positive response.
I was amused to read of a husband who said to his wife:
" I'm tired of coming home and hearing you tell about all the bad things that happened
during the day, all the troubles, and all the problems.
The next time when I come home, just tell me the positive things."
When he came home the next day, he asked his wife how the day had gone.
She replied: " It went great. Five of our six children didn't break their arms."
I have a feeling that for the health of our souls the negative has to be expressed in order for
the positive to come through, and then, in that atmosphere of trust when the negative
can be expressed, the dam breaks, and all the beautiful qualities we didn't know were there
will begin to flow through.
And then comes that moment of truth when we move from the apparent to the transparent,
and we take our limitations and expose them because we desperately need to be seen through.
We also deal with our limitations by expressing them.
That may seem strange.
It would seem that we would always try to hide them, but the people who have done
the most in life have been right out front risking their strengths, their weaknesses,
and their limitations.
The Apostle Paul said, " I found out that sometimes my weakness becomes strength."
Most of us still remember Babe Ruth, the home run king.
He struck out more than anyone else, but one thing we often forget is that he usually
struck out by swinging.
He knew his weakness was striking out, and he could have just stood there with his bat
on his shoulder, but he said, " I'll risk it."
And he produced.
Most people who produce in life are not afraid to take risks.
The Bible speaks about this when it tells about the man who buried his talent.
He was saying to Jesus, " I'll not risk it."
And Jesus was saying, " Take that talent and risk it, an express that talent
which by God's grace will become two talents or three talents."
We will discover our great potential when we live out our limitations.
I think that one thing God wants most from us is the gift of our limitations.
Some of the greatest writing comes from people who had great limitations.
Think of Paul.
He was argumentative, authoritative, rigid, but Paul wrote one of the greatest pieces
of literature on love in the 13th chapter of 1 Corinthians.
Gestalt psychology is based on the belief that we strive for competition, but we never arrive.
It teaches that our self-image is never complete, and if it were to be complete,
it would be a deterrent to growth because life is always striving.
This teaches that I want to know to the best of my ability who I am today,
but I have no idea what I'm going to be tomorrow because there are going to be
other dimensions of experience.
We must look forward to the years ahead, and keep striving to complete our limitations.
The person who has a predetermined self-image stops striving.
One psychologist spoke of a woman who had a recurring dream.
She dreamed there was a dark hole in the ground out of which came a flower,
but the flower was plastic.
As she probed her life, she discovered she was the kind of person who had
a self-image of perfection.
She always needed to believe she was perfect.
She came to understand that the darkness of the hole indicated depression and death,
and the artificial flower was a symbol of her artificial self.
She saw that self had to be shattered and broken for vitality to return to her life.
She was sad, she was plastic, she was artificial.
Her self-image had been set and had never changed.
There was an intense need for striving.
Life is always offered to us as a duality: striving -- fulfillment; love -- suffering; joy -- sadness.
God has given us the gift of limitation to keep us striving.
That is a great way to live.
The most dramatic moments I know are when love has been poured out, and has been expressed
in those moments of terrible weakness and limitation.
In the film of Helen Keller's life, Helen had not only the handicap of blindness,
but also had a terrible, sour disposition.
Then, Anne Sullivan came into her life.
Helen resisted her, and rejected her.
Anne taught her to read and communicate and to believe that there was some great potential in her.
Anne wouldn't give up on Helen.
There were great moments when she actually wrestled with her, and struggled with her.
Anne was trying to bring those inner strivings out, and Helen was resisting.
Then a miracle happened, that moment when Helen discovered that her tormentor,
her adversary, was really her redeemer.
There was that beautiful moment when Helen put Anne's fingers on her mouth and said,
" I love you."
That is the way of God with us.
He struggles with us, and strives with us.
It appears at times that He is tormenting us.
He will not let us go.
He created those inner strivings for our own fulfillment.
And when we recognize this, we say, " God, I love you."
The great saints have said, " Around our incompletions lies His completion."
I suppose this is the attraction Christ has for us.
We find in Him the most complete, perfect person, and we strive to fulfill our lives in His presence.
We keep striving because He's so adequate, and we are so needy.
We need to reach out to Him.
These are the words of an old gospel hymn:
" Out of my bondage, sorrow, and night,
Jesus, I come.
Into thy freedom, gladness, and light,
Jesus, I come.
Out of my want, into thy wealth,
Out of my sin, into thy self, and
Jesus, I come to thee."
We come with all our limitations, knowing there is a Love that will never let us go.
That's the good news of the gospel.
Sermon by Dr. Harold L White